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| The first time I touched him, a few hours after he was born they wheeled my gurney through the NICU so I could spend some time with my son, I was not allowed to hold him, but I was able to put my hand through a port hole and hold his tiny little hand. |
This year Mother's day feels extra special for me! Simply put - I know what a MIRACLE it is to be able to be a mother. My son has taught me this lesson over and over in the months it took to get him to us safely. Every stage of motherhood is a miracle, and I will never take that lightly. It is an honor to be pregnant, it might not be fun, it might not be glamorous, but it is a miracle. Something soo many long for and would give anything to experience, and just because they haven't experienced it yet doesn't mean they won't move heaven and earth to meet that sweet little one. It will happen! Somedays it won't feel like it will ever happen, sometimes you will feel like you are farther from ever becoming a mom then you ever could be. But these are the times when you are the closest to being a mom. Wanting something so bad, but having no control over it's outcome. One of the traits mom's struggle with everyday. Just think when you do become a mom (and you will you will be a pro at patience). My struggles have taught me this. They have grounded me in the reality that while motherhood and parenting are challenging they are gifts. I am lucky when my three year old colors on the stainless steel fridge with pencil, or tests every limit she can. I may not realize it in that moment, but I can reflect back on it and think of how different things were when I was in the hospital and couldn't supervise her, had no idea whether or not she was coloring on the fridge. I am soo lucky to just be with her. Hell, I am lucky to be alive after my placenta abrupted.
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| The first time I held him. Photo`s courtesy of my very talented sister Ashley Vance. |
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| Me and my babies, the first time Hannah held her baby brother. The first time I held both my babies. |
I am also lucky I ever got to hold my son. While I was on bedrest for 10 weeks I often wondered when I would get to hold him. If I would get to hold him. That first time I held him was so affirming. It was truly a miracle. The fact that he is here with us now is nothing short of a miracle. So this mother's day I need nothing more then my children. Nothing more then looking at my son and remembering everything I went through, everything we went through. It was all worth it. And that little boy has made this my happiest mothers day yet.
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Me and my mom and my son, the first time I held him.
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So, Happy Mother`s Day to all the mom`s out there, all the great grandmother`s, grandmother`s and wanna-be mothers. It really is a life changing journey.
Amy
